i would punch a child for taco bell
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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