You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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