I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
