Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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