The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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