"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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