nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's always time for handjobs
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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