Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
