Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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