That's when you crack a 10am beer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
