some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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