I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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