I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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