i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize