I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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