You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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