come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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