but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
