This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
