Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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