Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
should my penis look like a turkey
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
