trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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