Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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