sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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