What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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