She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
