I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
