Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize