Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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