he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
