dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
