I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
