Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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