we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
