You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
