i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
