hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
