I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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