I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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