Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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