In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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