Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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