he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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