Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
