I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
