Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
