I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
