I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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