Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
