i just wanna soil my oats bro
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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