The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
