3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
