talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i came on her dog
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize