The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
