This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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