forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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