Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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