walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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