nut hugger
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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