It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
