So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
