dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
