We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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