then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
