I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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