hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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