you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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